Kalymnos (Greece). German Chancellor Angela Merkel, accompanied by the Finance Minister Wolfgang Schäulbe, met with the Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras in Massouri, Kalymnos in a vault for safety reasons.

During the talks the new recovery plan prepared by Finance Minister Yanis Varoufakis was presented. The plan details the restructuring of the debt to the IMF and the banks, including the most exposed, which seems to be the German Petzl Bank. The debt amounts at about 55,500 bolts, 48,500 hangers, 3,500 anchor chains and many tons of magnesium. The debt has grown dramatically in recent years due to the political patronage in favor of chicken-shit climbers of all nationalities, who visit the island and want a bolt every meter.

The agreement states that the material, if not paid by the end of 2015, will have to be returned in full, resulting in the unequipping, in case of default, of nearly all sectors of Kalymnos and the immediate expelling of Greece from the EuroClimb area. The spectrum of Grexit becomes therefore more and more real.

According to rumors, also the Poets sector, equipped in 1996 with the material carried by the discoverer Andrea Di Bari, a strong climber from the very beginning of this sport and now successful film director, should be taken down in order to pay interest to creditors. Upon hearing the news, Di Bari hung  himself out of protest at the top of Omero, a crimpy slab, one of the few true 7a of the island, and threatens to throw himself into the void in front of the camera he placed down the cliff in order to film the clou scene of the horror movie Bouldergeist, which will be published most likely posthumously.

The poster for the new movie by Andrea di Bari Bouldergeist.

For those wishing to watch the beautiful short and medium-length movies by Andrea Di Bari http://www.andreadibari.it

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Angela Merkel has, however, stated that the plan Varoufakis is not enough and that there is the need of more substantial reforms: she refers in particular to the abolition of the saganaki cheese served in the Massouri restaurants, fried in oil old days and days and too many squids, often frozen, rubbery and inedible. Not to mention the beer Mythos defined by Merkel kaltpissen (literally cold piss).

Mythos and Sagananki cheese: two degrees (….. less) in seven days

The Chancellor has also focused on the problem of degrees given away. «It is not acceptable – said the Chancellor in press conference, that the routes of Kalymnos are so over-graded. It is an unfair competition from Greece to other European partners. Our climbers break their tendons on the monos  in Frankejura to make the grade, while in Kalymnos on all routes from 4c to 8c are only jugs or at most “mini-jugs”. We therefore need, as an additional condition for the permanence of Greece in Europe, all routes of Kalymnos to be downgraded by at least two grades».

This morning at the opening, the European stock markets have reacted badly to the agreement hypothesis: in Frankfurt the value of the guide Climbing in Kalymnos by Aris Theodoropoulos, 2010 edition, has lost 35% in a few minutes and bargaining has been repeatedly suspended for excessive downward. The agency Fitch has downgraded the volume to junk. Barring trades on the secondary market also for the new areas leaflets the Fatolitis Snak Bar in Massouri distributes to climbers. The owner, for reaction, immediately increased the Aperol Spritz to the unbelievable price of 15 Euro. So hard times for aperitif lovers climbers!

Finance Minister Varoufakis, we have interviewed, instead stated that Chancellor Merkel actually has a grudge for other reasons. «She wanted to do his own first 6b in Kalymnos, like everyone else, but she failed and so she’s very disappointed. I took her to the sector Arginonta, the most overgraded of all, with 6b which are actually 5a, but we just had a hard time finding a harness of her measure. We then had to make an excavation with bulldozers to install some concrete counterweights to be able to keep her tumbles. Finally the mountain guides have prepared a series of tackles and a battery of grigri in series to cushion the falls. This is very painful for our people. Mr. Zanchetta, – concluded paraphrasing a former prime minister of another European country – I tell you in confidence, Merkel is an unbelayable bigass».

The unbelayable bigass (Alberto Martini – La purificazione dell’esercito prussiano – Danza Macabra Europea n. 21, 1915)