Mark Zuckerberg, the American billionaire founder and owner of Facebook,  has expressed a wish to enter the climbing and related activities online market, during a press conference held in Menlo Park (California).

«We believe that climbing is one of the activities with the best development prospects in the world and so we want to invest in this area. After having acquired Whatsapp for 19 billion dollars, we want to focus on the online applications dedicated to vertical markets and we believe that climbing is certainly one of the most promising», said Zuckerberg. «Tens or even hundreds of users who exchange tips and information on this or that climbing route, on how to hold a crimp, on where to make a kneebar are an asset that we want to exploit».

The news comes just a few days after the announcement […and this is the only truth in this article] made by the climbing site manager of http://www.climbook.com that  Facebook Inc. has given them the notice to immediately close the site for copyright domain name infringement. The lawyers believe that climbook.com domain harms Facebook and can trick users, because of the assonance of the final word book. The same approach appears to have been applied to other sites inspired by successful verbs like wake-upbook.com, the portal of those who wake up in the morning, eatbook.com, dedicated to the minority of human beings who still eat, sleepbook.bed, a social network to be used while sleeping, breathbook.air, for the community of those who breathe and pissbook.wc, the popular site dedicated to the growing number of people who piss.

The climbook.com site, founded in 2008, is used by many Italian climbers to record the climbing routes already sent and to keep some memory of them.

As a matter of fact, recent market studies have confirmed that the user base of about 3,000 people using the site is continually growing and could reach the incredible number of 5,000 users in 2030 . It is therefore obvious that these numbers are of interest for the Californian giant, which has about 3 billion users and capitalizes $450 billion.

Sources from the intelligence services claim that the CIA is in fact behind the Zuckerberg’s decision and that the real reason for this is linked to the strategic desire for planetary supremacy that the United States intends to play in the coming decades and the climbook database would be in this respect an unparalleled asset. The aforementioned sources said that «to know the moves of the route Invidia at Grottone [a famous overhanging climbing crag in the south of Italy], how many people have climbed it on sight or flash, or have the statistics of the attempts of Piccoli Gesti [a climb rout in the same area], constitutes, in the international arena, a strategic advantage of incomparable value. The Islamic State is advancing and sooner or later we will find out that the forces of evil in Andonno [another famous climbing crag in the north of Italy], have sent our 9b, maybe on sight, just because they  read the sequence of movements on Climbook. At that point the West will be fucked up! Stopping the disclosure of the secrets and tricks of our hard climbing routes is not an option any more but an obligation».

Zuckerberg has also announced that he acquired the new company that launched Candy Crashpad Saga, the new game dedicated to climbers that most probably will become viral in the upcoming months. In the game, the players try to climb the blocks, all in the shape of a candy, without falling outside the crashpad.

So get ready to be notified that Mark Zuckerberg invited you to play Candy Crashpad Saga.

Post Scriptum

Mark, you are a good and clever guy and because of that you have a lot of money! So much money, that perhaps you’re not able anymore to conceive that there are people in this world who are just doing things out of PASSION.

If Climbook will close because of the requests of your lawyers, you will have protected your economical interests, but you will also have despised the PASSION of a group of people who are not earning any money from that.

Facebook does exists because there are people sharing their interests and their passions on your platform. Don’t’ piss them off. It could be a mistake.

Credits: Jane Walk